Wednesday, January 17, 2018

So What Do You Do?

by Monica Bobbitt

Someone asked me what I do today.

I've always hated that question. Because for many years, my answer was "stay at home mom." 

As if that was somehow less than.

But I often felt it was. For far too long, I felt I wasn't enough. As if somehow my value was tied to the amount of money I made or didn't make.

The raised eyebrows, the snickers, the "oh you're one of those" reinforced my insecurities.

Yes, I am one of those.

And that was inevitably followed up with what does your husband do? And then I would explain he was in the military and then it was another "oh you're one of those."

Yes, I am one of those too.

And then I was widowed, and I have come to dread that question even more. Because I no longer have a husband to "support" me.

Now I really am "one of those"

A military widow.

"I hear you're rich"

Really? I wish somebody had told me that.

So when I got that question today, I admit I hesitated.

Like deer-in-a-headlight-here-we-freaking-go-I'm-not-enough again hesitated.

What do I say? Do I say stay at home military widow part-time student mom?

Because I don't have a glamorous job with a nice office and pay cheque. My office is my kitchen island. And I don't get paid for what I do.

When can I actually call myself a writer? Can I call myself a writer if I've never been published or paid for one single word? Am I poser if I say I am? And will I get another "oh your one of those?"

And then I took a deep breath. And I thought about all that I've written over the last three and a half years. And all the writing courses I've taken.

When do I get to call myself a writer?

Now. The answer is now.

What I do is actually part of who I am.

I am a writer.

I am a speaker.

And so much more.

I am enough.

I'm a writer and a speaker.

"Wow, that's so cool. I've never met an author before! What do you write? Fiction? Nonfiction?"

Nonfiction. I write about the hard stuff, the funny stuff, the sad stuff, the grateful stuff.

My life, basically.

"You are so brave for writing the story of you. Do you have a website I can check out?"

Be brave enough to walk through the wilderness of uncertainty, criticism, and judgment as who you really are, not who you think the world wants you to be.

Decide who you are and then be you.

I'm Monica.

I'm a writer.

I'm a speaker.

And I'm more than enough.

And I always have been.

And so have you.

Chat soon,
Monica

Read more of Monica's story here:  Finding Monica 

To learn more about grief, resiliency, and life after loss, follow Monica on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/agoatrodeo/
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